Enabling my mom to be part of a cult
A mythical shaped leader providing its followers with modern goblets
People are usually weirded out by collections of things that they do not share an interest in. To me, such collections are one of the most interesting parts of a person because they show that they have passion, a unique personality, and a some disregard for society’s expectations.
I love the girl on TikTok who collects marigold-colored Crayola crayons and I am obsessed with people who save Chiquita Banana stickers, organizing them neatly in an album that they proudly show on social media. So go ahead! Start your collection of blue left shoes and rocks in the shape of Timothée Chalamet, the sky is the limit! Live your life to its fullest! Except for you, serial killer reader. You should not start a collection of any kind.
My mom has been obsessed with Starbucks for a few years now. She loves going there every day even when she has plenty of options at home to make any type of coffee drink both teenage girls and coffee snubs would be obsessed about. Most likely, she goes there every day because this visit gives her a sense of routine, familiarity, and certainty: she likes chatting with the baristas and the fact that they remember her name and her exact order.
And what does Starbucks get out of this? The perfect customer. My mom ranks the highest in their membership program and is emotionally attached to it. One day, she had an issue with her loyalty account since she was using it to make transactions on two phones. She got a notification that her account would be suspended and that she would need to regain her rank from scratch. I had never seen her more sad. She did not want to eat or hang out with anyone until they sorted out her situation and gave her account (and happiness in life) back. Obviously this is not healthy at all, but hell it is for sure entertaining.
Around three years ago, this obsession reached a new frontier. It was not only the beverages that she wanted, but also the merch. Particularly, the tumblers and mugs. My mom needs a lot of sleep, but whenever a new article drops, she will wake up at five am, take my dad with her, and wait in line outside the store at six am so she can be one of the owners of the eight newly designed tumblers Starbucks makes available at each store. The worst thing? I am not mad about it. I have a couple of tumblers of my own because they’re American Dream Size (they hold almost a liter of water, or should I say, 24 ounces), which makes it easy to achieve my daily water consumption goals without thinking too much.
Nevertheless, like every member of your average modern cult, our family is starting to display non-sensical behaviors. We now have to stop religiously at every Starbucks we see just to take a look at the models in case there is any novelty my mom would like to add to her collection. Our critical thinking skills also went out of the window because have you seen the prices of these items? My brother and I try to rationalize this spending by thinking we are investing in our inheritance (sorry Mom), since the resell value of these items can go up to 200 USD. This obsession is also one of our main subjects in video calls, and unexpectedly has made us be closer and communicate more.
I have seen a lot of criticism about how this collection is peak capitalism. However, what is the difference between this collection and being a fan (and buying tickets and merch) of soccer teams and pop stars?
Do what makes you happy friends.
As long as it is not illegal.
Maybe.